The Label

So I am still learning about my recently applied label of having Fibromyalgia. Learning the different terms such as "fibromites" (people with fibromyalgia) and "fibrofog" (the cognitive dysfunctions related to fibromyalgia). Also how to explain fibromyalgia. Recently I used one explanation I found on a website of "you know how you feel after a day of exercising? How your muscles are sore, tense, and achy?.... yea.... That's how I feel for no real reason every day, all over". One plus side I have discovered is that the medication I am on has actually helped my migraines. Yay! After nearly 15 years of suffering, there is one thing that helps (so far). Unless I am just way too tired and hurt too much, then when the migraine hits is when I know I am not going to win and to just stay in bed.

I have also been reading on what triggers fibromyalgia. No one really knows. I have been thinking back over my history and realize I have probably had this for a very long time. I also have to give myself kudos for doing so well with self-management over the years. I probably have IBS but have found foods and figured out the triggers to reduce that pain. Currently figuring out why I have been bloated for the last month, but I'll get it figured out.  I probably suffer from depression but have actively sought help over the years (and did find a good counsellor in 2005 and again in 2010). I probably suffer from TMJ as I know I have bruxism and have a night mouthguard to protect my teeth now. I have a sensitivity to lights since middle school and have become more chemically sensitive (i.e. perfumes) since 2007. I have to admit though, it is nice to finally understand certain health issues and why they occur.  Knowing and self-educating helps immensely with self-management. I am an intelligent woman and can figure this out.

My best theory of why the fibro has only come to the forefront now is stress. Stress is probably my worst enemy. I remember a couple of years ago when I was trying to work two jobs and was dumbfounded when I found myself way to super exhausted to pull it off. When I was in university, it was nothing for me to work 20-30 hours a week and a full course load plus one. I went to school full time and worked one if not two jobs throughout. Hell, I even made Dean's list when I finished my bachelor's degree. When I was doing all that craziness, I was also stoned most of the time. It was smoke and go. Funny about that, eh? I quit smoking before my last year of university just to find out what life was like without weed. Finished university, and went on into the professional world. Then I started noticing the tiredness.

What has been stressful over the last couple of years? Many things. In my first professional job, I found myself wanting more but didn't know what. Troubles thinking and just getting through the day without being anxious was a good thing. I was asked to be an acting director, so off I went. It was a fantastic experience and I learned many things about myself. However, the location was not very healthy for me at the time, so I came back home to a job that I complained about and yearned to make much better use of my skills. After my car accident, I moved into an apartment within walking distance. With uncertainty with my contract, I went into the call center industry as a trainer. It paid way less but made much better use of my skills. I enjoyed the challenge, the teaching and supervising and when I wasn't doing that, the system maintenance and everything. I kept busy. Because it didn't pay enough, I tried to work a second job but that didn't help. I think I burnt out at the end of the year. Then decision time happened. I decided that no matter what that I was going to be out of that job by end of April. Lo and behold I got a letter saying I was accepted to the university i had applied to so I could continue on with plan B of my life. But then I also got a call for a job in the city, in my field. I took the job so I could finally start making money and paying stuff down all the while being close to my family. What I didn't expect was the toll it was going to take on me. But that is a whole other rant and something I am mulling over.

The last couple of years has not been terribly fun health wise. Unbearable pain, migraines came back with a vengeance, and horrible fatigue. Not so fun when you are trying to work but pass out in front of the computer instead. Going to the hospital and absolutely nothing coming back on the tests. It has been frustrating. But now, I have the label. One day a few weeks ago, I was talking with mom and I said how exhausted I was. She asked what I did the days before. Well, I guess it takes 2-3 days before activities catch up with me. I didn't clue into this pattern. She said to me that this is not new to me, just the diagnosis. Knowledge is power and I am hoping that it will help me get through things a lot better. I do not want to fall down the 6 month fibrofog hole again like I did last year. Through reading a book on depression, I discovered that taking fish oil helps with concentration. After taking it for a while, the fog started to lift. Thank goodness.

I do not usually write like this on my blog. And I have been debating for sometime if I should make this blog public. I tend to be overprotective of my information, my identity. But maybe I will in the future. For right now, I'm still figuring it out and will be learning throughout my life. I do know this will not be the last post of this sorts.

Cheers