#Yoga and #fibromyalgia

We all have days where we can't move and even fear moving around. We wonder if we should go to the gym or push ourselves a little more. Sometimes we just need to push to do the activity BUT keep fully aware of what our bodies are telling us. There is no shame at all in bowing out early or taking this slowly for your comfort.

I go to the gym about once a week, as long as I am not in recovery mode or have a lot to do that day and want to avoid overdoing it. But then there's other activities that are lower impact and can be modified very easily, like with yoga.

I had been going to watching yoga dvds, reading yoga books before I even went to my first yoga class. I would say that it's been about two years since I started going more often and reaping the rewards. I have discovered that those minute stretches releases so much toxins and inspires movement throughout my body. Even if it's a day like today where I am coming out of a flare and just starting my period, I went in hopes that it would help me feel better but I didn't push myself and did practically every modification possible. Pre-yoga, I was stiff and extremely tense. I am now more fluid and strong. What's more is that I notice a difference if I do not get to my yoga class.

Each yoga class is different as is each yoga instructor. The best thing to do is try out different styles and teachers until you find the right fit. I went to a few before I finally found one that works well for me. My absolute favourite Yoga dvd/book combo so far is: http://www.amazon.ca/15-Minute-Gentle-Yoga-Anywhere-15-minute/dp/1405326573/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1384883995&sr=8-5&keywords=15+minute+yoga. I love that it goes through the illustrated steps, has a pull out page to show the sequences and a video to follow along with four different sets.

The biggest difficulty with doing yoga is devoting the time. I was doing it in the mornings, but my mornings are rather slow moving and difficult.  I would say I would do it after work but then have other things to do or become to tired. Thankfully, some folks in the adjoining building decided to do lunch time yoga and hired a local yogi to come in for the classes. For the gym, I organized my Saturday mornings specially to go to the gym and market. I once asked a very active woman how it is that she can be involved in so much and have time for it. She said that she carves out that time in her schedule and lets nothing else change it. I took that advice and applied it to my Saturday morning routine. Although I don't always get out on those Saturday mornings, I am trying to find another time to place in my schedule.

Just remember, often times reducing ourselves to no movement is what makes us worse. We must keep moving, even if it's only slowly and at a low rate. Most importantly, we must listen to our bodies and modify our behaviours based on that information. If we must rest, we must rest too.

Cheers

Standards and structures #relationships

In life we wish to create standards for ourselves. In health it could be simply to be... let me back up a moment first. What are standards? It is defined as:

: a level of quality, achievement, etc., that is considered acceptable or desirable
: something that is very good and that is used to make judgments about the quality of other things
: something established by authority, custom, or general consent as a model or example :  CRITERION
: something set up and established by authority as a rule for the measure of quantity, weight, extent, value, or quality
(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/standard)

So they are a way of measuring, a criteria, and is usually established. So, who establishes a standard? In the medical field, there are experts to identify standards. In our own personal lives though, we are our own experts on our own lives; we must define our own standards. Well, how in the hell do you do that???

Where is this all coming from? Well, I met someone before Halloween and it was good but it was moving far quicker and deeper than I could even keep up with. Unfortunately, after a series of emotional betrayals, external and internal, I caved and ran away. I had a list of things that he didn't quite fit the bill with (job, housing, financial, etc). But, are those important standards to a relationship? I don't know. I wavered on it, and thought other things most important. But they all play a role. It didn't help that I do listen to pressures from my family and friends. All the warnings, all of the "be carefuls"... I should learn to keep my love life to myself and only expose it when I am good and ready to. It would save a whole hell of a lot of hassle. Like every time I was just beginning to kick an addiction and then people got involved, I had a set back and was looked upon even worse than had I not said anything at all. Anyway, standards...

To know your standards, you must know the deal breakers. I have my list of very clear deal breakers:
- unhealthy lifestyle
- heavy drinker or drug user
- disrespectful and completely inconsiderate
- lazy and no ambition at all

I want someone to accept me for me, and that includes all of my flaws. If my house is a mess because I've been in a flare for a week, I would hope for some compassion and maybe even some help. Yes, a flare is one of my flaws. I could list all of my flaws, but they are mine and it gets rather negative. I can turn around so many negatives into positives. I realize that how someone else perceives me can often times be way different than how I see myself.

I want to be able to accept the person for who they are, in their entirety. And yet, be willing to work towards or already fit into my standards. If I thought very glossily at my current standards, they might look like something like this:
- caring and compassionate
- passionate
- has a stable job and housing situation
- ambitious but makes time for us
- willing to put up with my nuances

I want to be courted and adored. If I need time to figure things out, I need that distance to sort things out. I am not used to this emotional playing field. I knew I would have to deal with it at some point. Of course, it is now, when I am without my counsellor (but working at getting that approved again). My wires are crossed inside and I am sitting in a tangled mess.

To help sort out this mess, me being me, I started to look up what is meant by "standards". I found a few different articles about why they are important to have. If I look at the article found at http://uscworkandfamilylife.wordpress.com/2012/03/28/setting-standards-for-a-healthy-relationship/, I believe that I have my "fundamentals" listed. I also agree with all of the standards listed in the article. What I find interesting is that they consider education, profession and income as wish list items. To my family, those items seem to be fundamental items. In turn, they weigh heavily on my mind too.

This article http://www.girlsaskguys.com/Articles/Relationships/Three-Requirements-For-Any-Healthy-Relationship.html reminds that "Everybody is unique, no two relationships are the exact same. It's perfectly normal to be a little bit afraid, but don't let fear rule your judgment." Their three requirements are simple: communication, mind-set and chemistry. Isn't that enough?

There are a few more articles I read. Maybe it shouldn't be just about the standards I set for him, but the standards I set for myself too. I have to know what I want, who I am, and all of that. I also need to take my time and not let myself be railroaded. I need to consider a lot of different things. This is only the beginning of this thought process. I have yet to define my own standards and maybe then I will have an easier time knowing what is a fundamental and what should be a wish list item. I need to put it on paper and list it all.

Structure and logistics are natural to me and help me make sense of the world. I have been accused to not using my heart enough, but even my heart needs such structures to help it along and keep from being hurt. My head and heart are learning how to work together in harmony. I belief it should be a balance, especially when determining standards.

Cracking under pressure #fibro

It's been a few days now in misery. Yesterday I even cracked under misguided pressure from my brother. When the body is sensitive, everything is sensitive. Had to resort to the heavy hitter again today. Had to choose between living in a less painful fog and staying clear headed but in a lot of pain. I choose to be functional and unfortunately medicated. I have acuponcture on Thursday. Which means I have to survive until then and keep it under wraps and keep positive. Thank goodness flare ups don't happen too often.

Why I currently dislike #dental procedures #fibro #spoonie #flare

History has repeated itself, and be darned, another dental procedure has managed to throw me into a flare. I had a filling done last week; the freezing went well and they did a fair amount of damage to the gums, but I got through it without too much difficulty. It was really the needle for the anesthetics that hurt. I spread out the fillings by a week as to not overwhelm by body. I went in on Wednesday to get the next one. Well, right after the first needle, my body started to shake inside and it hurt like hell. Once my face felt sufficiently numb, they started and I could still feel it a bit but not too bad then it got to be a bit much. They froze me again. After waiting a few minutes, they started again. Same thing, I could feel some pressure and an annoyance. Of course, I am used to being in pain so I didn't think too much of it as it was bearable until she hit a nerve or something. My hand shot up to stop and I soon had tears streaming down my face. The tears and panic had started to set in after the second needle and then it all broke loose. The dentist felt so bad and said how I should tell her if I feel anything because I hide the pain really well, that she can usually tell. Well, sometimes I don't even know how my body may react to something. Anyway, my body is just vibrating by this time and I am freezing. I asked the assistant to get a blanket, as she offered, to get my temp back up and reduce the shaking. Through breathing exercises, I was able to get myself to calm down. By the time the dentist came back in, the third needle had settled in and the rest went okay. I was exhausted from it. All told, I was in there for about 80 minutes. I was glad to have taken an ibuprofen prior to the procedure. But, I had a feeling that it wasn't going to be enough. By the time I got to work, there was only about an hour until a lunch meeting with a colleague from out of town. I muddled through all that and went home. It, however, didn't stop there. I worked only the morning yesterday and had to dig out the big guns for pain that I haven't taken in months. Between the heavy duty for the pain and the ibuprofen for jaw, I was feeling better but exhausted. Well, here I am now on the Friday, feeling exhausted and achy. It's not the horribly painful kind of achy, just the nagging, fatigued, and weary kind of achy.

Fibromyalgia is a bit of a wild card when it comes to getting procedures done. A colleague said what I described is like my body went into a state of trauma. She is probably quite accurate. That "state of trauma" seems to be one of the surefire ways to through my body into a flare. The first time may have been a one-off, but now I know to be even more careful about when I schedule dental procedures. Then again, hopefully this will be one of the last!