Late night awareness

It's neigh midnight and I'm feeling alert unlike I have in a while. I finished a book on my kobo glo and then opened another one I had borrowed from the library out of curiousity only to find myself drawn in and intrigued. The book is "Pain Relief without Drugs" by Jan Sadler. It is an easy read with applicable exercises that I did along the way. I feel good from them, physically and mentally. The book is totally applicable to my newest strategies: reducing the Lyrica and the more recent experiment that I am now a week into. Basically, eliminating/reducing medicinal means. Since halving the Lyrica, I'm feeling less bloated and the "tire around my midsection" feeling is way less. I don't find a difference in my levels of pain. The other experiment is eliminating weed as a pain killer. But now I need new strategies. As I'm laying here with upper back pain, I know it's from not doing my morning exercises over the weekend (3 days). That's all it takes to end up in a fair deal of pain. The exercise is a natural way of feeling better but requires time, effort and conscious thought to execute. It takes getting into serious routine and talking myself out of my slumps. I know I need to do it. Already from the book I plan on integrating some of the simple exercises into my morning exercises. Every little thing helps :)

Standstill

My brain seems to be at a standstill lately. I've been wanting to write but nothing is coming out. I recently spent a week in the States for a conference and to visit my Grammy, who I hadn't seen in 10 years. I want to talk about it but feel like I'm lacking an outlet. I was supposed to have an appointment with my counsellor this week but she was laid off. Her last day was the end if April.

I have been with this counsellor nearly three years. She has been amazing and has helped me tremendously. She's the second one to have been helpful in my emotional growth. I have learnt valuable coping skills and dealt with many traumas with her. Before she left, I asked her to write a summary letter. I have it tucked away in a place I can consult anytime. When she told me she got laid off, I cried. I even got angry. I mourn her departure. Even my fibromyalgia specialist was stunned at this fact as seeing my counsellor has been integral to my sanity and is necessary in coping with the realities of the fibromyalgia. I was asked if I would like my dossier handed off to someone else. I agreed, simply saying that if I wasn't happy with the new person, I'll request another transfer. Simple as that. But it means starting from scratch again. Sure, they will have all of her notes, but it means telling my story and reaching an understanding again. In the meantime, I'm going to keep writing until I can get whatever is in my mind sorted out. I'll keep using the knowledge I have learnt over the last couple of years. She has indeed made me "realize how capable and brilliant I am". I also acknowledge and agree that I will need the therapeutic support that confidential counseling offers to continue to deal with my demons and realities as I continue to grow as the confident, intelligent woman I am.

All the "thank you"s in the world will never be enough to express my gratitude. Thank you.