Standstill

My brain seems to be at a standstill lately. I've been wanting to write but nothing is coming out. I recently spent a week in the States for a conference and to visit my Grammy, who I hadn't seen in 10 years. I want to talk about it but feel like I'm lacking an outlet. I was supposed to have an appointment with my counsellor this week but she was laid off. Her last day was the end if April.

I have been with this counsellor nearly three years. She has been amazing and has helped me tremendously. She's the second one to have been helpful in my emotional growth. I have learnt valuable coping skills and dealt with many traumas with her. Before she left, I asked her to write a summary letter. I have it tucked away in a place I can consult anytime. When she told me she got laid off, I cried. I even got angry. I mourn her departure. Even my fibromyalgia specialist was stunned at this fact as seeing my counsellor has been integral to my sanity and is necessary in coping with the realities of the fibromyalgia. I was asked if I would like my dossier handed off to someone else. I agreed, simply saying that if I wasn't happy with the new person, I'll request another transfer. Simple as that. But it means starting from scratch again. Sure, they will have all of her notes, but it means telling my story and reaching an understanding again. In the meantime, I'm going to keep writing until I can get whatever is in my mind sorted out. I'll keep using the knowledge I have learnt over the last couple of years. She has indeed made me "realize how capable and brilliant I am". I also acknowledge and agree that I will need the therapeutic support that confidential counseling offers to continue to deal with my demons and realities as I continue to grow as the confident, intelligent woman I am.

All the "thank you"s in the world will never be enough to express my gratitude. Thank you.