Story of the loss of my right eye

Final tally from a collection of my hospital patient files: I was born at local hospital at 5lbs 8oz with a cataract on my right eye and taken to regional hospital remove the contact lens when I was 3 weeks old and 5lbs. Over the next 20 months, I underwent ~44 operations under anesthesia which involved ~15 surgeries of 9 different types involving ~17 hospital admissions consisting of about 109 non-consecutive days in chunks mostly of 2-7 days with two twenty or so day stints in the hospital. I had surgery for on my first birthday. I had some vision post glaucoma after first cyclocryotherapy in November 1985. There was significant scarring and damage from glaucoma surgeries such as trabeculectomies and an iridectomy. The second cyclocryotherapy in April 1986 was the first and only treatment that was noted that I did not handle it well. In an unofficial exam in May 1986, it was reported that I had a lack of light perception - the EUA scheduled for that day and possible third cyclocryotherapy was cancelled due to red eardrum and white blood cell count was at 19,000. A follow-up was scheduled. No more hospital trips after this point, end of hospital records file. In January 2007, my right eye reached 0 pressure and I had an evisceration late that Summer. I picked up my first prosthetic right eye, hand crafted by an ocularist, on my 23rd birthday. Of all the things to have learned, I love that I found out my original iris colours were green (OD-right) and blue (OS-left) as they looked the opposite growing up. 

Accommodations

As I get older, I require more accommodations and assessments. I have not received both since my first couple of years as a librarian at the local university. Now that I have left, I have access to accommodations and assessments again. Now that I am broke and unemployed, I may be able to get glasses that will reduce migraines and bring great comfort, and most importantly, I may be able to get hearing aids so interactions become a lot easier and and more energy can go into the interaction than in struggling to make sure I am catching everything the person is saying and effectively working. It just blows my mind. So, I am waiting now to hear back on a few programs. I am actually excited to have a assistive technology assessment! I haven't had any insight into what is new for many years, well since my Masters program when I went in search of hearing aids for the first time since my childhood hearing aids. I am nervous, I am frustrated, I am glad, I am doing my best to keep moving forward. I am thankful to have been referred to people who understand what it may be like to live with impairments.

Life after Tenure

I left work I loved to do because it became too stressful and toxic of an environment. I gave my notice mid-December to leave the end of March. I barely made it to the end before my doctor put me off work before I was officially done and on recovery for three months. It is now past the three months and I am still unemployed. Unfortunately, librarian jobs are hard to come by locally, especially in my field as a medical librarian. My son has regular visits with his father that cannot be compromised - I only just now won the battle on getting a good sleep schedule for Reid and I. Even with sole custody, it is a battle to change schedule to not being ridiculous. Right now, I am excited for to get into this new schedule. I have achieved this monumental task before Reid starts school and after I have left gainful employment. I sit in a mixed well of glad to have a September off yet and feeling a little empty at not preparing to meet the incoming students.

You see, For the last nine years, I would be just getting back into the swing of things at work at this time of year. I find myself sad to not be putting my energy into preparing for the new school year and yet glad to have my first September off in a long time. Sick leave ended as of late-July and I went through the rigamarole of getting approved for regular benefits. Thankfully I am diligent and follow my own cases like hound on the trail and was successful. Now, I am officially looking for work. Locally, I am concluding that the only way to be gainfully employed is to open up my own business. I have ideas, I have the dream, but do I have the energy? I have the knowledge and experience, but can I keep up with the demands of an entrepreneur?

I am genuinely concerned while also certain that I will figure out a way. I am eternally resourceful and imaginative. As I regain my senses, I trust all will be okay and keep diligently on my way. I just have to look at my resume to know that - this is the first time in sixteen years I am not gainfully employed. It will come around again.

Then there's statistical reality to creep in to remind me that I am exception to be working as a person with chronic health issues. I am gaining agency in regards to my health right now by accessing my hospital records. Since asking my family doctor to see my files in Fall 2018 and at each appointment since, I have been left in limbo. So, I have moved forward by doing patient record requests at the local hospital and the regional paediatric hospital (I will talk more about these findings in another post). It is so rare for people with the health conditions I have to be working full time, so the stats tell me. I just have to look on instagram or facebook to see what communities have been created around chronic illness to see the trends I firmly rebuke. I know there's a way - I'm certain and resourceful enough to always find a way. The trick is that automatically accepting it will not be in a traditional fashion. Knowing that, my possibilities are endless.