The dam breaks and the cradle falls

The world spins round and round, never stopping, unyielding to forces around it. This spinning top we call home is beautiful and wonderful. There are so many lessons to take from it. There is so much beauty to enjoy. There are also a lot of disasters but a rising thereafter. Renewal is part of the natural cycle. As there are worldly seasons, a person has their own as well. My season is "renewal".
The last few years has been like looking at the barren landscape after a fire has passed through the woods. There is some supposition that others started the fire while I know it could have been myself. But, I know it's not that simple and there were many points of origin for the blaze to eradicate what was once there.  Three years later, the growth is in bloom and the eco system has begun to be firmly re-established. Every little bud, bloom and movement is beautiful. I must not remember the fire, not the aftermath, but the renewal.
I had wrote a couple of years ago this little passage:

Phoenix
Take a deep sigh and see through those beautiful eyesThe burnt landscape that was and the new growthTake in the beauty of the full greens and stark bluesTransformation has taken hold and time to let goThose embers and ashes have given way a new lifeSunday, March 11, 2012

That was a year after the blaze started and I must have known then that things were only going to get better. This I do know, with all my heart. As long as I listen to my heart, I will know what I need. For the longest time I have felt this gap/void within me and didn't know how to deal with that. A voice inside me said, "tears cleanse, you need to let go". For the last month I have tried to let the tears naturally flow whenever the feeling came over me. Whenever I had the moments of sadness, I embraced them and gave myself a hug. I avoided any substances or old habits that I would use to escape feeling just to FEEL. Last night I finally let myself feel wholly. The dam finally broke and the connection was reestablished. The wall I have always known turned out to be a dam. Waters reconnect and flow together as one. Not long after I posted this to my facebook wall:

Sometimes we want to let go of all the misery inside so much that it almost hurts. Sometimes we reach out in hope to find it turned way. But it's all for the better. Everything always works out for the best. I am at a turning point in my life where I do not want to shut down. Instead, I want to let it all out and start over fresh. No words needed, just a steady flow of tears will do. I am healing and it feels good to finally be there. It has taken years to get here, so forgive me for the next while during this transition. Things will get better and easier. The bonus for my friends and family as I go through this is that you will see me smiling and laughing more as the days go on because of the work I am doing. It's my time to shine through and be the best and only me that I am.

This post has gotten a lot of positive responses, some yippees and even a message from one of my cousins that I rarely hear from. Today, I feel tired from not much sleep but much more at peace. A lot of things were sorted out last night in my mind and heart. There is more to come and I welcome it.