The past two weeks have been a hell of a roller coaster. Ended up missing work last Friday and this past Monday due to pelvic pain. That's right, the endometriosis pain is back. And for heaven's sake, I hope the referrals take less than 6 months this time. Also, I hope that I get properly checked out as the next step may be necessary; the shot has been slowly wearing off. I noticed it a few months ago and the last two or three shots I considered talking with my doctor about the stabbing coming back, here and there. The feeling of something being not quite right, the pulling feeling down there never fully left. Then the thralls of pain came back full force on Monday when I was reduced to tears. Thankfully my folks were in town and were able to drive me to the doc office where I was mildly coherent. The doc took down the names I was given for referrals and prescribed me percocets for pain. His words were, "when you are in pain, you need pain control". I however, am not a fan of heavy duty pain killers at all. Especially ones that are risky like percocets. After fully evaluating things, I did decide to take one and was couch ridden the rest of the day anyway. It does change your perception of pain. I could feel whatever hurt was still there but I was no longer in tears. I was not a fan of how it made it feel over all, but it did seem to numb me out. On my second try a few days later, I discovered exactly how much of a fan I am NOT of this type of way to deal with the pain.
Pain is difficult to deal with no matter what. This week's experiences lead to an evaluation of how different methods affect me differently. Take weed for example. It numbs me out in a different kind of way. Not in the nauseous-omg-this-sucks but more psychologically which is why I quit smoking years ago. I was psychologically/socially addicted to weed for about 7 years when I decided that I wanted to experience the world sober, without any influences. I was curious to know what it is like. I want to be clear headed and alert. This is where the conundrum happens: when I in pain or have a nasty migraine that makes me fuzzy and not functional, I am not clear headed. So what can I do about it? Pain medications put me in a state of not being clear headed or makes me physically ill. It becomes a game of lesser evils. So I wonder if there are methods I can use that do not require imbibing or inhaling substances to make things clearer. I want more clear days. Of this past two weeks, I have had one clear day. I have a meditation CD at home that I bought a while ago but never opened. I think it might be time.
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